Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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