he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
