I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
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Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
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Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I am naked and annoyed.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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