i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
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Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
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i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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