true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
