I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
