i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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