I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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