I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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