I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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