i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm getting married
To pizza
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
