My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
