Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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