i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
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Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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