I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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