We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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