so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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