I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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