my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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