yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize