Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
