There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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