bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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