If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
