this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
