im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
