Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
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Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
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I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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