I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
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im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs