Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.