The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad