I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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