i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.