walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...