just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
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Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
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Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?