its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.