She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
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I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
So is that a yes?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?