How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
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What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
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"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.