I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
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I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
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I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.