Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
