Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.