remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?