Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.