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my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
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