Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.