I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar