I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
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12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
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I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...