Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
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I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
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I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.