i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?