Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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