He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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