i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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