i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
