Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
