I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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