so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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