i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
