Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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