is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
