we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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