If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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