I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
