Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
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Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
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A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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