Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
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I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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