I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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